The Art of Procrastination – Narrative by Elene Beridze

If you think you’ve mastered the art of procrastination, you’re wrong. To master it, you must procrastinate on mastering it. So technically there is no way to master it. It’s a paradox.

I’m naturally gifted at procrastination. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid, and I am no way close to quitting. My head is overflowing with ideas, I create a mental note in my head to do it, and then I forget. If I did everything that came to mind, I’d probably be successful. Instead I keep rewatching old shows because I’m too lazy to find a new one. I don’t even watch them at this point, I scroll through Twitter since just hearing the Audio creates a mental image in my head cause I’ve seen that episode about 15 times at this point.

Anyway. Is it a gift? Is it a curse? Who knows. I know I love it, I love sitting around doing nothing all day and then successfully finishing a project twenty minutes before the deadline. I work very well under pressure because I’m always under pressure and it doesn’t really affect me.

I had 3 months to write my senior thesis. I did some research at first, but then I got busy doing nothing with my best friend in college. I don’t regret it. Then the last month came, and I felt the pressure breathing down my neck. So i started writing. For a day. Then two weeks went by and everyone in my class said they finished their project. That’s when I remembered I had to finish it. I told my best friend that I’d be in the library the next two weeks. We ended up hanging out in my room that night. And the night after. A week before the deadline I realized I was fucked, so I actually got to work. I wrote the whole thesis in about two days, and my plan was to take it to the library to get it checked by the Writing Center. Instead I hung out with my best friend in my room until the night before I had to turn it in. I looked over the thesis, corrected a couple things and turned it in. I got a B+ and I was very happy, because it was the hardest professor in the whole school and I basically did nothing to write my thesis 40 page thesis.

Anyway. I thought of the idea to write about procrastination a couple of days ago. I’m impressed I actually wrote it within the same week. I actually had about 3 posts ready to publish in my drafts, I was just too lazy to go into my drafts and press publish. I think I’m close to winning the award for the laziest person on earth.

The weather is nice today. It feels like spring. What was I saying?

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