A couple of days ago I was having a heartfelt conversation with a friend over coffee. We were talking about how we’ve grown as women, and how we’re proud of what we’ve become. We’ve both been through similar unfortunate experiences in life, such as abusive relationships, fake friends, betrayal, and more. So we were simply bonding over our past, laughing and complaining the whole time. Then she casually mentioned how this one time she tried to find her spirit animal through meditation. I looked at her in awe since she so nonchalantly mentioned something so important. She laughed at my shocked face, and told me about her journey.
“I was going through a rough time, so I decided to do an experiment. I was already meditating regularly at the time, but I wanted to take it to the next level. I lied down on my couch with my cat and turned on an audio guided meditation to find your spirit animal/guide. I closed my eyes, and started following the words. I was completely relaxed. I was going on a road, through different places, until I ended up at a library. At this library, I found a book. I looked into this book but I fell in, and I couldn’t get out. I got lost inside of this book, and I couldn’t find my way back. I felt disconnected from my body, I couldn’t wake up. I remember I was scared, terrified even. I thought this was it for me, until my cat started to purr so loudly that I woke up. I jumped up from the couch in complete shock. I still felt incomplete for hours, even after a cold shower. It was like some part of me didn’t return into my body. But the next morning I was fine. I just remember how scared I was the whole time. I don’t think I can do it ever again. If you ever do it, make sure to be ready. If you’re scared, it will only be worse.”
So that same night I decided to do it. I was lying on my bed, about to fall asleep when I put it on. I was sure that I was going to fall asleep as soon as the meditation started, but I did it anyway. In complete darkness I was lying on my back with my eyes closed, following the words, becoming more and more relaxed. The more relaxed I became, the more I started to spread out on the bed. When I reached the peak of my relaxation I was lying on my back spread out like a starfish. I kept following the words, I remember I felt so calm. I felt the energy coming out of my palms, and I remember that unintentionally I positioned my fingers into my meditation pose. I felt every grass that touched me, I smelt the ocean, I felt the breeze, I felt the warm light… And even though it wasn’t very easy for me to fall into the full trance, I kept telling myself to calm down and do it. And I did. According to the meditation towards the end, you look away from the fire, and behind you will be your spirit animal. So I remember I started to get nervous what if I don’t see anything. But I told myself to gather my courage, to look behind me, and if nothing is there then maybe I’m not ready to see it yet.
So I turned around, and at first I saw a dark silhouette of something. It was like a blob. As I got closer to it I started to see details. As I got even closer I finally saw what it was… I went to it, and I put my face against it. I hugged it, I remember the warmth. I remember the hope I felt, how I was filled with some new kind of energy. I started to cry. I opened my eyes, and I was crying. It felt like I found a part of me, something I lost years ago. And even though I was on the brink of falling asleep before the meditation, now I was wide awake and full of energy. So I ended up falling asleep around 7am.
I will not be sharing my spirit animal since it’s very personal to me. I want this to be a part of just me for a while, and even though I’m planning on getting a tattoo of it soon (which I will share I promise), until then I will keep it a secret. It’s a part of me, and me only. And to my dear friend, whom I messaged as soon as I stopped crying after the meditation: thank you. The reason I managed to go through with this is because I kept reminding myself not to be scared, and that’s what you told me. I know you’re planning on doing it now, and I’m happy you are. It might take three tries, or five, or just one, but as long as you are stepping out of your comfort zone, it’s already huge progress. I’m proud of you.
I advise everyone to try and find their spirit animal, to meditate, and to find their missing pieces inside. It will not do you any harm as long as you go in with an open mind, courage, and hope. Stay calm, and good luck in your journey.
If you do end up going there, please let me know about your experiences. I’m very interested in what you find. I look forward to hearing from you!